i know that i havent been on this forever mostly because at one time i thought it was a huge waste of time just to write what you did during every freaking day ..just typing day after day after day. i thought that xanga was a place for all of those "comp nerds" to go to even though myspace is too. anywho..i just wanted to tell all of my friends what i have learned this year with the most recent which has been happening ..well for about 6 months

i was scouted while i was running one day during p.e one of those days before amen and  i got sick of running and making the 5 under 15 that way we could get credit for 6. since i was scouted i was invited to join the cross country/ track team. they told me that i was skinny, i look very healthy and they mostly liked that i had " strong" legs which made me run faster somehow. at that moment i  was extremelly excited as some of you really close to me might know. i was like holy shit im gonna be part of the sports curriculum of esperanza high school i have the chance of even getting an scholarship, plus i will be even more involved in school which looks great in collegue applications. then i had it all..i was spoiled..i got everything that i wanted or ever crossed my mind. i thought. i have wonderful friends who i know will always will be there for me. i have a great mom and an okay family which will be there for me on my hard days. i have an awesome boyfriend who is kinda funky but hey its all good. i never really thought until like 3-2 months ago on what saving money really was. i got payed 40 dollars and BOOM like they came they went i got whatever i wanted without really giving shit about anything. then my mom lost her job. shes been okay the whole family has been okay maybe its because it brought us closer to each other plus shes been in a lil thing over here or on a thing over there which has kept us all pretty good. i became more mature in that aspect because i was more mature towards my cousins, i started studying even more since i was allready giving up on school cuz it was gonna end soon. but just a month ago i was asked to join the crosscountry team once again. last time i was asked i just let it go because i was like nah w/e im used to p.e even though mr. hill is an asshole who cares. but then i began to jog.. and i jogged every day after school around 4 1/2 miles making each time faster and stopping less which i continue to improve to this day. but now i know that what i have learned is too late. because i was a fucking stupid bitch who spended all her fucking money on clothes and now that i truly want something because i know that ill do good and that i will enjoy it im not gonna be able to do it. i asked and begged my mom to just let me borrow some money that way i could cover part of the fee for cross country but she said no. so i began to save money every lil penny i have gotten has been saved and now i have around 80 dollars or so but i started too late. and now even though i have saved all that money which i have had to lower myself to stupid lil brats who humiliate you practicly to make themselves feel better is too late. i have to sign up as soon as possible and im not going to be able to do it. so if your reading this. think about it. save all your money and only spend it if you truly truly have to because at the end you will be able to reach your dreams unlike me. my only good dream that didnt intend of buying a new LV bag or a bunch of outfits from abercrombie has been practicly broken because tomorrow as of June 24 friday im gonna write to coach medellin that i cant be in cross country because i dont have enough money. which sucks a lot of ass if you truly think about it. but somehow i hope that this experience will make me stronger and that i will know what to do next time. and hopefully i will be able to join it when i go to esperanza as a junior.

i hope that everyones summer has been going well. i had the chance so far of going to the movies by taking my lil neighbor leila on one of our babysitting nights and to the beach with my mom and my cousins. other than that..ive been working ..jogging and swimming.

jess i hope that youre doing awesome in that math class that youre taking with all of those collegue people. as you see i know what all of you do because everyday i still read on my email the ah so great xanga subscriptions.

now im going to go to sleep since i had a very long day .

i hope you all have a great summer filled with memories.

til who knows when i write on this thing again which needs a new layout and song.

carolina.